Seeing Red

I am so angry right now, I have to get it out of my system. He called my dad today. Told him I've been sending him messages and contacting him. Lies. The only contact that has been made was in regard to the furniture that I got rid of. The only reason that I tried so hard to touch base with him over the armoire, was because he told me if I got rid of it, it would be the last thing I ever did.
I drove home this weekend feeling anxiety- every dark brown small truck, every white Ford Focus, every truck that I thought looked like it belonged to them- I would freak out and panic. When can I start looking forward and stop looking over my shoulder.
When can I know, without a shadow of doubt, that I will never see him again? I fear that this day will only come when he knows nothing about where me and my family live. I'm so stupid to worry. I hate myself for arguing with my parents about him. I hate that it gets to that point. I feel like he's still winning. He's getting what he wants when we're all miserable.
I've been angry since I got the email from him today, "all this bad karma you put out will come back on you and your family"
Who says that except someone with a vendetta against someone else? I tried to explain that these threats are hostile and it makes me nervous. I pull into my space and think- did I leave those lights on, or has someone been here. I examine each piece of furniture, blankets, doors open or closed and think..... was someone here? Did he break in to see the cats. I am paranoid. I know I'm paranoid. I don't want to be paranoid- who would ever want to feel this way day in and day out? It makes me ill.
I really keep thinking to myself, if these threats happen again, I'm getting a baseball bat and taking a road trip to pull a little Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats," on his broken down piece-of-crap truck..... hate runs through my veins right now. I'd love nothing more than to:
-dig my key into the side of his (pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,) poop brown pick-up truck...
-carve my name into his (leather) cloth seats...
-take a Louisville slugger to both headlights, and
-slash a hole in all 4 tires...

because......

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats. (and lies and threatens me and my family)