Tonight, I watched my recorded episode of Private Practice. It affected me in a great way.
Addison is talking with her mentor, Vivian. Vivian disclosed that she had a daughter when she was just 15, she was not allowed to hold her- and thought of her every day. She was forced to give the baby up for adoption. Vivian is dying of cancer, does not have time to find the child she selflessly gave up for adoption, and wants Addison to help her write a letter to her daughter- it was the most touching and beautiful scenes I've ever seen on TV. Cyndi Lauper's song "Time After Time" is being covered by a different artist and is playing in the background:
"To My Beloved Daughter,
In my mind, I call you Maxine, but the truth is, even though I gave birth to you, I do not know the name you answer to all of your life. I've spent hours listening for the sound of your voice, but I would not be able to pick you out of a crowd. I do not wish to burden you with the details of my pregnancy or the sadness I felt in loosing my right to parent you. I hope and pray that you never felt abandoned by me but I want you to know there was not one moment of one day or night that I did not think of you and feel love for you. Though I did not raise you in my heart, I was always there for you. You did not have one mother. You had two.
All of my love, Your other mother"
You see- as a child that was lovingly given up for adoption, I have two mothers, too. I have one that wished for me for years, and loved me before she even knew me. I have one that loved me so much, that she made such a selfless decision to give me a better life than she could have given to me. I've never been able to say thank you. I hope some day, I can say it, to both of them, at the same time. The love that I feel on a daily basis, is indescribable.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Prayers
On Christmas Eve 2011, my mom, dad and I were walking into Midnight Mass. My dad tripped on the steps and I caught him. He'd been having some balance issues, but I made him promise that the first of the year, he'd get to his doctor to find out why he's having balance issues. In March, he called and made his appointment- and in May, my dad went to his doctor. Since then, there have been a series of CT scans, MRIs, ECGs, and blood work. My dad's been poked, prodded, and seen so many times, you'd think he was the subject of a medical study.
Balance issues have continued. Flash forward to two months ago... my daddy was working out 3 times a week. I was so proud of him that I even found a trainer. We've never been a "go-to-the-gym" kind of family. We like junk food, eating out, dessert, and naps. Diabetes reared its ugly head and we thought his balance was because of that- so he's been on a mission to control his blood sugar. He's lost weight, he's changed his diet, and he's started using the insulin pen.
Still no improvement. Balance issues have continued and progressed to the point that he cannot stand for long periods of time and looses his balance easily. His doctor gave him a suggestion- which would be a major blow to anyone- but to my dad- a man with the strongest pride, determination, and work ethic I've ever seen- being told that he should start to use a cane (at 64) was mind blowing.
Two weeks ago- he started using a cane.
Our family vacation has been planned for almost a year. First family vacation that I've taken with my parents as an adult. We figured out that we hadn't all flown together since our trip to Disney in 1992. My parents have discovered the beautiful, peaceful, and amazing land of Cabo San Lucas Mexico. They've vacationed down here several times- my dad has been in fishing tournaments. I finally managed to get an invitation.
Last Sunday, when we arrived at the airport in Indy, I saw my father swallow his pride, as he sat down into a wheelchair. It has been a necessity for our whole trip. Navigating through the airport, getting to our condo, going back and forth from the lobby to our room, and going to dinner- none of it would have been possible had we not had a wheelchair to borrow from the front desk.
As the vacation comes to an end, I've lost count of the number of times my dad has asked me if I'm having a good time and apologized to me for his immobility. It breaks my heart to see him struggle- but I've never been more proud of him. For 32 years he's helped me grow up into the woman that I am today. It's an honor to be able to put my arm into his and help him walk. I'd go through hell and back for my dad- I just hope we don't have to. Tuesday, my dad has an appointment with a spine surgeon. He's got an MRI of his spine scheduled. We've spent a lot of time worrying- but we spent more time together, as a family, having a great time. I will cherish these memories forever. I told my dad whatever he finds out- we'll get through it, together. I've got his back, always.
As we return to the states- I ask for good thoughts, prayers, and if anyone has a miracle laying around- I'll take it. My dad was supposed to give my mom dancing lessons for Christmas. He'd do anything to make good on that. I'm not ready to give up on him because he's never given up on me. We'll fight through anything together.
I love you, Dad.
Balance issues have continued. Flash forward to two months ago... my daddy was working out 3 times a week. I was so proud of him that I even found a trainer. We've never been a "go-to-the-gym" kind of family. We like junk food, eating out, dessert, and naps. Diabetes reared its ugly head and we thought his balance was because of that- so he's been on a mission to control his blood sugar. He's lost weight, he's changed his diet, and he's started using the insulin pen.
Still no improvement. Balance issues have continued and progressed to the point that he cannot stand for long periods of time and looses his balance easily. His doctor gave him a suggestion- which would be a major blow to anyone- but to my dad- a man with the strongest pride, determination, and work ethic I've ever seen- being told that he should start to use a cane (at 64) was mind blowing.
Two weeks ago- he started using a cane.
Our family vacation has been planned for almost a year. First family vacation that I've taken with my parents as an adult. We figured out that we hadn't all flown together since our trip to Disney in 1992. My parents have discovered the beautiful, peaceful, and amazing land of Cabo San Lucas Mexico. They've vacationed down here several times- my dad has been in fishing tournaments. I finally managed to get an invitation.
Last Sunday, when we arrived at the airport in Indy, I saw my father swallow his pride, as he sat down into a wheelchair. It has been a necessity for our whole trip. Navigating through the airport, getting to our condo, going back and forth from the lobby to our room, and going to dinner- none of it would have been possible had we not had a wheelchair to borrow from the front desk.
As the vacation comes to an end, I've lost count of the number of times my dad has asked me if I'm having a good time and apologized to me for his immobility. It breaks my heart to see him struggle- but I've never been more proud of him. For 32 years he's helped me grow up into the woman that I am today. It's an honor to be able to put my arm into his and help him walk. I'd go through hell and back for my dad- I just hope we don't have to. Tuesday, my dad has an appointment with a spine surgeon. He's got an MRI of his spine scheduled. We've spent a lot of time worrying- but we spent more time together, as a family, having a great time. I will cherish these memories forever. I told my dad whatever he finds out- we'll get through it, together. I've got his back, always.
As we return to the states- I ask for good thoughts, prayers, and if anyone has a miracle laying around- I'll take it. My dad was supposed to give my mom dancing lessons for Christmas. He'd do anything to make good on that. I'm not ready to give up on him because he's never given up on me. We'll fight through anything together.
I love you, Dad.
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