I'm trying to catch myself from going back to a sad, dark place. I am developing an obsession with trying new recipes... of course, who wants to cook at midnight, but that's a whole nother topic.
I printed off the Couch To 5K training plan, but haven't started it.
I'm in a funk again. I'm sick of dating. I know that I can't expect to find anyone in this funk, feeling and looking the way I am in recent days... I just wish, hope, and pray that God would show me that good men are out there- they're not all slime ball jerks who tell you they love you on the first date... or feel the need to describe, graphically their fetishes... I'm over it. I just want a normal person to breeze through my life. He doesn't have to stay long- if he did that's fine too, but I just need to find my faith in humanity. It's lost. Right now, I see slime, dirty, cheating, lying, scum... after one thing that they're not getting from me.
I'm sick of lies. I'm sick of hearing stories about the men who cheat. I'm sick of hearing bad, stupid stories. I'm sick to death that that is the only kind of story I have to tell. I want my own story with a happy ending.
I'm stepping off the soapbox for a minute, I haven't posted in a while... just haven't felt the urge to write. It happens.
I'm coming up on the 1 year mark since the shit storm hit last August. As a tribute for moving on- I'm going on my first stress-free vacation in about 7 years. (I'm claiming New York City, fall of 2004 as my last vacation... though I could also claim Nashville, June 2004... same year, won't get too technical) I'm very excited to be going out to New Mexico with a great friend and her baby girl, to visit her family. I've never been anywhere in the Southwest. She invited me to come along and I couldn't think of any reason not to go. (yes, the heat in the Southwest in July crossed my mind- but everyone keeps telling me the heat is different, so I'm giving them all the benefit of the doubt and taking a couple extra changes of clothes in case I sweat through everything)
This vacation is all I can think about... its the only thing getting me though from one day to the next. I deserve it. It's a great way to mark the end of this horrible year. Now, if I can drop some weight before I go so I can kick this anxiety in my brain--- me+airplane seat= dry heaves....
