So today, I got paid. It’s not unlike any other payday to an extent. I paid my rent with the last check and I’m paying my utilities with this check. I guess this is just background noise to the fact that I’ve got a pile of medical bills that I was about to burn and do some silly ritualistic money dance in my back yard to pay for---- until finally its coming together.
I guess I should say that I’ve been to the Emergency Room twice this year, and while I had insurance, I’ve been doing this stupid dance with the insurance companies to make sure that I’m getting the correct rates on my medical bills. Finally, 6 months after my first ER visit in November, the situation is straightened out. (no real emergencies- the first visit was related to my stomach issues, the second was related to the fact that I could not breathe)
Last time I had medical bills like this, I ended up filing bankruptcy. I was immature, irresponsible, attached to my ex and unemployed. These factors all equally contributed to the initial filing. I felt embarrassed, ashamed and annoyed that I wasn’t able to take care of myself financially when all this happened. I’d been laid off from my job, had piled up over 10,000 in medical bills, and was having surgery 3 days after I was laid off. It was just not a good time.
Thankfully, the time has passed and I’ve gotten through the hard times, again, with the help of my amazing parents. When these bills started rolling in, of course the first thing my mother said was, “let us know what we can do to help.” I am overjoyed to tell them that I’ve got this on my own this time. I never thought I’d be so happy to spend money on bills in my life. But, I guess when you don’t have something- and suddenly can take care of yourself, its just a good feeling and I want to shout it from the rooftops.
Ok, maybe not from the rooftops, but I am pretty happy. I’m on payment plans for the big chunks, but the others, I will happily be writing checks for tonight. My money may quickly dwindle but- at least I’m taking care of myself. It’s been a long and bumpy road, but I finally feel like I’m really starting to get the hang of this “growing up” thing. Granted, I still giggle like I’m 9, act like I’m 8, and get nervous around cute boys like I’m 13…. But if you add up those ages, it equals 30… which I am, so I guess I’m kind of on the right track.
I first advised that she listen to the Sarah Evans song, Stronger. I was told to listen to that song by a very good friend. I'm so glad she did. The song is so true, every day it gets a little easier. I told her that if she drinks her dinner, so what, if she cries, so what- the important thing to realize is that at the moments when you feel that you're so alone you can't stand it- and your screaming at the top of your lungs, begging for someone to hear you- we're all listening and we're all there. And no one will judge her if she continues to speak to the person that broke her heart- but it will be harder and harder the longer you wait to close the door. I can understand hoping to revive love and I'm a definite believer in second chances, however, in my situation, I was on the ledge and I think if I would have given him another chance- everyone would have pushed me off. (no joke- I lost track of the times I've been told that I would have gotten slapped or punched in the face if I would have taken him back... brutal, but necessary- especially from the people that I love the most)
But here's my favorite part and I hope that someone famous reads my words and uses them in a song (only if I get some sort of rights to the song of course)
If you're not ready to close the door right now, that's okay. Leave it open all you want to. No one will judge you for leaving the door open... but remember to close it when you're ready. But the important thing to remember is someday, you may wake up and find that a little breeze blew the door shut for you... and that's okay too.
Fortunately for me, about 30 hands came in and pried the door from my hands.... and one person came in and slammed it shut. It was time. I left it open way too long.
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