Well, 1,640 days have passed since my last post. I was waiting to hear about my application to vet-tech school. Dad was unsure about his health. Mom was being the glue that held us all together- per usual. Backing it up a bit- in April 2013, my dad became unresponsive after an exploratory treatment to a mystery disease that was slowly taking his mobility, his freedom, and his patience. He visited Cleveland clinic half a dozen times and the best they could come up with was "Mr. Castle Syndrome." He was a mystery to every specialist he saw. We heard a lot of what it wasn't, but nothing about what it was.
That May, I decided to take a leap of faith and end my job with the vet clinic- and begin to take my first steps toward becoming a nurse. In June, we were celebrating Father's Day and my dad received a call from the head of the neurology department at Cleveland. Myasthenia Gravis. The mystery illness plaguing Daddy had finally been put into a category. Neurological Auto-immune. His body was fighting a war with itself. The rest of the year was full of challenges- doctors appointments and hospital stays for Dad, lots of learning for Mom and I both. I was up to my eyeballs in math and science classes- something I had managed to completely avoid the first time around. I began the 16-month accelerated Bachelors program in August 2014. I completed the program in December 2015. I met some of the most amazing women during my time in schoo lthis program. Never had I leaned on people and pushed and motivated others. We all worked together and graduated together proudly.
I was working in a trauma, surgical, neuro unit as a tech while I finished my last two theology classes. I officially graduated in May 2016 and began studying for my nursing boards. I took them August 1, 2016 and shortly after learned that I had not passed. I was devastated but my Dad encouraged and motivated me in ways no one else could begin to understand. He was fighting a war against himself. Mom was right there next to him, providing him the best care that anyone could ask for. She was pushing him to keep going- he was troubled by the fact that he felt like a burden to everyone. I knew that no matter what, I had to keep going.
On August 23, I got a call- Dad had been taken to the ER by ambulance. He couldn't breathe and was very much in distress. He was intubated that day and remained in that sedated state for 5 days. Day in and out, Mom and I were by his side. He did improve- but little did we know- the war he was fighting so hard was slowly taking him from us.
In the early morning hours of September 27, I was on my way home from work. I tried to call Dad- as I did every day on my way home- but I got no answer. I tried at least 6 times to get through- but got his voice mail every time. I called my mom and let her know that I thought something was wrong. I had breakfast and went to bed, knowing that she had it under control. Two hours later, I got the call that changed my life. He was slipping away, I needed to get home- safely, but quickly.
I panicked. I became hysterical. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him- not that I ever could be- but I had so many things to ask him, so much more he needed to teach me. Memories began flashing before my eyes- him walking me to the bus stop on my first day of school, him watching me get pinned in my nursing school graduation ceremony. I'd never seen him so proud. So many things I knew he was going to miss- wishing me luck on my first day of my new nursing job, walking me down the aisle on my wedding day, holding his grandchild for the first time, traveling the world, fishing. I fell. Crying in my hands. How was I going to drive two hours if I couldn't even pack a suitcase? Jessica helped talk me through packing and it was decided that I would not pack the necessary "funeral clothes" until I knew for sure what was happening. She was amazing, offering to stop by and pick up anything I needed- if I needed her in Fort Wayne.
I called upon all my friends to help me and I got on the road. Alexandra, a friend of mine from nursing school, got me through the end of the trip- talking to me as I got into town. Praying with me, for me, for us. This was all unreal.
I got to the hospital and as soon as I saw him, I knew this was it. This was the day I was going to say goodbye to my father for the last time.
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