1 year

So, it was my intention to post on my 1 year anniversary. Of course, life happened and I got busy, but nonetheless, I've made LOTS of progress in 365 grueling days!
I started (and stopped) therapy. I went for all the right reasons, and quit for the right reasons as well. I will never claim to be healed or perfect, but I was going to a couples counselor... the therapist was amazing- really knew what he was talking about- but the more and more I overcame both in private sessions and in group therapy, I realized that I was not in the right place. These women were going through divorces or were looking for help in their marriage. I was a single girl upset that my ex went crazy and broke my spirit... while it was necessary at the time, once I realized that I was feeling much better about my life- I began to look elsewhere for support. It came in the form of beautiful, smiling faces of girlfriends that had been in my life all along- supported me through ups and downs, and didn't charge $150/sitting.
Little by little, I started coming back out of the protective shell I'd created after 5 years of insanity. I was laughing- I was happy- I was slowly becoming myself again... (I missed me- I'm pretty amazing)
I have accepted the fact that the demise of my shitty relationship may have caused the demise of some friendships, but the friends that matter have stuck by my side through everything. I'm slowly realizing that negativity is contagious and cutting this from my life.
I have had good days, I have had lots of bad days, but I always wake up the next morning and think, "well, that sucked, but life isn't over, so lets give that another shot"
I enjoy my alone time, but I crave the company of someone I haven't yet found. I miss a lot of things about being in a relationship- but knowing that I'm ready to find that again gives me hope that someday, I'll find him. (sooner than later, I hope)
I have overcome a lot of intense inner-struggles. I hated myself when I looked in the mirror a year ago. I decided to do something about it. I've tried to take the reigns on weight-loss before, but have always failed. I lack consistency and follow-through. Thankfully with the help of a personal trainer which I met with once- I was able to turn the page to a much more fulfilling life.
I don't like what I see in the mirror right now, but I far from hate it. I pick myself apart- but I'm much happier with what I'm becoming. I am noticing changes- my arms are getting massively saggy (I may be able to fly if I move them fast enough) but I see muscle under the sag- and it makes me push through the disappointment of having the sag to begin with.
My most self-conscious area- the bulge below my stomach- has gotten significantly smaller- though still present- I don't see that first when I look at myself in the mirror like I used to.
I'm disappointed to admit- but my boobs- have begun to shrink. I expected that if they were going to do it- they would have done it by now.. but its only been recently that I have noticed the gaping in my favorite bra.
All of these things can be fixed (with a personal finance loan and a surgeons knife) but I know and accept that if I hadn't have worked on what I am inside- I never would have ever liked what I became on the outside.
I went shopping not too long ago- and shocked myself! I have gone down 3 sizes! I knew that all my clothes were getting big- but it wasn't until I looked at and tried on dresses, that I realized the progress I've made. I've gotten a lot of clothes recently, from Old Navy- all on sale- because why buy a lot of clothes that (hopefully) won't fit in a few months...
It was so nice to see the hard work pay off when I don't have to get frustrated cause I can't get the jeans up over my thighs or my ass.
I went through my closet and shocked myself at the number of clothes that I will have to pack away (getting rid of them would be bad karma and I don't feel like jinxing myself). It felt good.
I have my first 2 rewards... First one came fast- a new pair of work-out shoes. Second one came very slow- but I am now the proud owner of a new Coach Purse! My first - EVER!
I have my new motivation- a pair of John Fluevog shoes... -22 to go until I get those... and my Mexico vacation has been planned- I will be rewarding myself a bit early for that one- according to SparkPeople.com- this goal is outrageous and unattainable- so I'll just make myself a promise- that it's an early gift... and continue to work hard until I reach that goal.
Next- after all of this work- I will begin to save for the surgery to complete my transformation.... I can't believe how much is possible with baby steps, a great support system, and well-deserved personal rewards.